You Know You're Obsessed With Icemark When
by Boomerang Fish
Summary: You always knew you liked The Icemark Chronicles, but did you ever wonder if you were completely obsessed? Here's how to tell. ////accepting reader suggestions////
1. It Begins

**You Know You're Obsessed With the Icemark Chronicles When…**

-Whenever Ancient Rome is mentioned, you hysterically laugh.

-When your teacher mentions the real-life General Scipio, you automatically go, OH MY GOSH ITS REAL!

-When asked about the real-life General Scipio's greatest enemy, you answer, without hesitation, the Icemark and Queen Thirrin.

-A test question is "What was the greatest weapon used by Ancient Rome?" Your answer is sky ships.

-When your parents yell at you for your horrible history grade because of this, you say, "But it's _true_!"

-When you see blimps, you give them a very wide berth and look for scary-looking men with fake hands nearby.

-A flock of bats passes overhead, and you say "Hail, Vampire King!"

- A scary looking old man with a fake hand passes by your house. You point at him and yell, "BLOOD! BLAST! AND FIRE!"

-You spend the entire period, instead of doing your work, thinking about how your teacher looks remarkably like Sulla.

-You inform him of this fact.

- You become paranoid that he has been reincarnated and is out to conquer the world.

-When you see the snow leopard exhibit at the zoo, you spend the entire day by it waiting for them to talk.

-There is not a day that passes when you are not thinking in one way or another about the Icemark.

-Everything seems to remind you of Icemark.

-You have a countdown going for how many days are left until the release of Last Battle.

-When asked about the most significant allies of the Vikings you say, the Vampires, Wolf folk, Snow Leopards, Lusu and Desert People.

-You see a new person and automatically notice how much they resemble an Icemark Chronicles character. Examples of this are your camp director, your teacher, some random redhead…

-There are people you know with names similar to Icemark characters', and you actually noticed this.

-Your vice principal gets a new haircut…and you actually noticed how he now looks so much like General Bellorum it isn't funny.

-When asked about the capital of Viking society you say Frostmarris.

-You're reading this, aren't you?

If you have been exhibiting any one of these symptoms, then it is already too late for you. The only thing you can do is go and read the latest Icemark book as fast as you possiblycan.

And yes. There was a real General Scipio. I learned about him a few years ago in history. He fought in the Punic Wars…I think…


	2. Numero Dos

There were several symptoms of Icemark Obsession that were not covered in that last chapter, so I have decided to post - CHAPTER TWO! Yes, fifteen more ways to know if you're completely obsessed! You know, what really scares me is how many symptoms of Icemark Obsession Silver Wind Neko and I have been exhibiting (especially the ones with the movies and the gingerbread men) - but then, we always knew we were obsessed from the first page.

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-When you see snow lepards in the zoo you know instantly which one is the Thar, and start plotting how to help them escape. -**Zolarix Aster**

-You know you're obsessed when you write a 'You know you're obsessed with...' story! -**Araizune Nara**

-While making a gingerbread man, you accidentally break off its hand and then shout "OH MY GOD! IT'S JUST LIKE IN ICEMARK!"

-You then feel compelled to turn the gingerbread man into a Bellorum cookie, and then make a Thirrin cookie as well.

-When it's time to eat the cookies, you bite off the Bellorum cookie's head first.

-When you're breaking apart the Bellorum cookie to share it with your Icemark - obsessed friend, you wonder "Does this make me the Vampire Queen?" (**Boomerang Fish's note: Only a truly obsessed Icemark fan could understand this! Are you obsessed enough?)**

-When you got your copy of LBOTI in the mail, you screamed, jumped for joy, rubbed your face in it, and then did several ecstatic victory laps around the house.

-While reading LBOTI, you make a list of which of your predictions came true and which did not.

-You point at the book and yell, "I KNEW IT! I KNEW THERE WAS GOING TO BE A -insert spoiler here-!"

-You see a blimp and shout to all your friends, "TAKE COVER! THE SKY NAVY IS ATTACKING!"

-Whenever you see a movie, you are compelled to shout Icemark references at the screen.

-Following the last sympton of obsession, you cannot watch _Gladiator_ without going into Icemark Reference Overload.

-Following _that_ last sympton of obsession, you cannot watch _The Mummy, The Mummy 2, _and that new Mummy movie set in China without thinking of Scipio, Octavius and Sulla rising from the grave and taking their revenge with awesome mummy powers.

-You firmly believe that Bigfoot is just Grishmak being mistaken for a giant ape.

-Your position on werewolves and Vampires? They are real. They are so real.

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Keep sending in those symptom suggestions! They're awesome!


	3. Two Isn't Enough

Because two is just not enough.

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-Your sister annoys you but you privately think that it doesn't matter because she is obviously the Medea of the family and will soon be banished.

- You actually tell her this as a comeback in your next arguement. - **Greensl33ves**

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- You've figured out which songs are the theme songs of which characters. "Viva la Vida" is Scipio Bellorum's, and "Stand in the Rain" is Thirrin's.

-You've made an Icemark playlist on your iPod and it is the only playlist you listen to.

-When you watched _Finding Nemo_, you knew automatically which Nemo characters corresponded to which Icemark characters. Nemo is Sharley, Marlin is Thirrin, Bruce the shark is Bellorum, and Bruce the shark's buddies, the skinny sharks, are Sulla and Octavius. (**Boomerang Fish's note: I have done this. Fear me!)**

-You think that Herman the military antiques guy from _The Simpsons _is Bellorum in disguise. He even looks and acts like Bellorum. AND HE ONLY HAS ONE HAND. It's seriously creepy.

**-**Whenever you see pictures of pirates with hooks for hands, you automatically think Scipio Bellorum.

-While watching the pilot episode of _Fringe_, at the part when Nina Sharp shows Agent Dunham her fake hand, the first thing you think of is "AHHH! IT'S SCIPIO BELLORUM!!" **(It's true. The hand may be a little more high-tech, but it's still Icemarky.)**

-Maybe Nina Sharp is Bellorum in disguise...

-Making Agent Dunham Thirrin?

-Hmm...Fringe and Icemark...maybe that could be a fanfic?

-While reading the section in Stephen Colbert's book about how to win a war you need God on your side, you immediately think of Cronus and the Goddess.

-** Boomerang Fish **

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-Whenever the Icemark is mentioned, you go all hyperactive. **-Icemark Fan**

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**-** You hyperventilated when you heard the third book was coming out.

-You're reading your AP History book and when you're reading the chapter about Rome and the names Sulla and Octavius are mentioned, you have a feeling that it was real all along. - **Icemark Queen**

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-Any word with "Poly" at the beginning (eg. polyethene, polygon etc.) has you shouting war cries. -** The Mad Badger**


	4. If Three's a Crowd, What's Four?

Boomerang Fish's comments are in **bold. **

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- Whenever you see ANYTHING, you are reminded of Icemark and make a list about what to put in your fanfics.

- You can site anything from the books, by both page and paragraph (Boomerang Fish has done this) (**Yes, I have! Check out the last page of Chapter 18 of BOF and read the fourth paragraph. It makes me crack up every time.**)

- You make a list of what you could do with a fake hand. **(Oh! You could put it on a really long stick and poke people in the back from far away!) -Silver Wind Neko**

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- When the movie comes out, you are going to the premiere. What? It's in California? ICEMARK FAN BUS!

- You paint the Icemark Fan Bus with amazing illustrations of the scenes and characters.

- Icemark didn't have buses, therefore you must convert the Fan Bus into a Viking ship and SAIL it to LA.

- Or a sky-ship...

- Whenever you see a plastic Viking helmet you think of Icemark.

- -puts on plastic Viking helmet- BLOOD! BLAST! AND FIRE!

- You were banned from the museum because the last time you were there you broke into the Viking exhibit, put on the helmets and armor, and chased that guy with the prosthetic hand into the parking lot.

- Your explanation? "I was defending the town from the Polypontian menace." (Police officer: "WTF?")

- While watching the newest _Fringe_, you keep asking yourself when Nina Sharp is going to reveal that she's actually Scipio Bellorum and use Massive Dynamic to take over the Icemark. Oh well...it must be in the next episode. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO! YOU CAN'T FOOL ME!

- Oh my God...maybe Scipio isn't after Massive Dynamic at all...MAYBE HE'S TAKING OVER THE TELEVISION!

- You ambush the cable guy when he comes, shouting, "I know what you're up to Polypontian! Blood! Blast! And Fire!" (Cable guy: "WTF?")

- You stake out your worst enemy's school locker, waiting to see when they'll open the door concealed in the back, take the secret elevator down to the Bat-Cave, and plot with Scipio Bellorum to take over the school. (Enemy: What are you doing? Fish: Nothing, nothing... Enemy: WTF?)

- Your friend has to meet with their teacher for extra help. Said teacher looks vaguely like Bellorum (creepier: a _Latin_ teacher that looks vaguely like Bellorum). You try and persuade them not to go using exactly the same arguments that Grishmak and Cressida used when they were trying to convince Thirrin not to go to the Asgard Cut.

- "But Principal X, it's _true_! Mr. Z is actually an evil genius army general and is trying to take over the world!" (principal: WTF?)

- When you heard that LBOTI was coming out, you pitched a tent outside the bookstore so that you could get it as soon as possible when it came in.

- If someone says "What's Icemark?", you gasp and then stare at them weirdly. (Shun the nonbeliever! Shuuun...shuuuun...)

-** Boomerang Fish**

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-When you talk to your friends, who haven't read the Icemark Chronicles, and they ask, "What's that?" you go all crazy and start shouting war cries and explaining the whole thing going 100 miles per hour.

-Whenever Medieval weaponry/warfare is mentioned, you can't help but A)start shouting the Icemark's war cry and/or B) You ask if you can act out one of the battle scenes in the Icemark Chronicles. (Obviously you play Thirrin, and if your worst enemy is in the room, they are forced to play Scipio Bellorum.) - **Icemark Fan**

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**-**You actually think trebuchets and ballistae could best cannon. (They can't). - **The Mad Badger**

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**- **You start spying on the local roman reenactment group.

- You drag your friends with you to spy on the local roman reenactment group

- Your friend' s sheepdog was painted white with black spots and re-named Tharaman for the day.

- When you start nitpicking over who whould win a all icemark food fight!

- You start giving all rasins the evil eye,in case they're planning to invade your coleslaw. -**myshii**

Keep the suggestions coming! And go join the forum, it's awesome (lol shameless promotion!)

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	5. Five Little Piggies Loved Icemark

A/N: I think it's about time for another one of these. My comments are in **bold**.

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-You have dreams about The Icemark, featuring yourself as one of the characters. **(I've never been one of the characters, but yes I have had dreams about Icemark. They were craaazyyy.)**

-You try and release the snow leaopards and wolves from their zoo exhibits, shouting 'I call upon you my Allies!'

-You help Boomerang Fish think of ideas for this Fanfic thing. **(Thank you!) - LostInTheDarkVoid**

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- When you do an essay on the history of vampires (according to the Icemark series), and the teacher fails you, you accuse him of being a Polypontian soldier, while yelling the Icemark war cry.

- Later, the principal is interviewing you on why you attacked your teacher with a meter stick

- When you answer; the principal gives you a 'WTF is wrong with you' look.

- Whenever you see a tall, red haired girl, you walk up to her and ask her what her name is. When she answers, you yell to your also obsessed friends and say "sorry, guys, it's not her!" –**midnight101 **(anonymous)

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-When you watch "enter the dragon", you look at the villain and say, "I didn't know Bellorum was Asian..." or scream "OMG! BELLORUM! BELLORUM! GO BRUCE/THIRRIN!"

-You and five friends plan to bring a collection of throwing axes to the theater when the movie comes out, and lob them at the head of any villain who comes on screen.

-You also hunt down the actors who played the villains, and in broad daylight, scream, "The enemy is upon us! They burn are homes and enslave our children! BLOOD, BLAST, AND FIRE!" and then crown yourself the newest hatchet murderer.

-When you saw the LBOTI on a shelf, and didn't even realize that there was a third book, you immediately scream REALLY highly.(TRUE)

-You then grab the book, and run screaming to your older brother, who doesn't even like Icemark. (TRUE)

-Unfortunately, he wasn't in the store, and you end up getting tackled by security guys for theft. (PAINFULLY TRUE)

-you then go back, buy the book, and assault your brother with it because you just remembered he's an inferior being for not liking Icemark. (TRUE) –**alex the awesome **(anonymous)

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-You and your friend (who's also Icemark crazy) can talk about the Icemark Chronicles nonstop. For days (or weeks) at a time. **(Mhm. This applies to me.)**

-There's a random red-headed kid in your P.E. class, and when he twists his ankle and starts limping, you think "OMG! It's Sharley!"

-You totally called the major problem in LBOTI before you even read the excerpt.

-You start to think that your P.E. teacher is possessed by Bellorum.

-You start making up random fanfics in your head about what would happen if characters in the Icemark Chronicles met characters from other books, or worse, television. (I started doing this with NCIS. Trust me on this, Gibbs + Bellorum = Epic fail. He and Oskan get along pretty well.) **(I just started watching NCIS over the summer. Ziva is awesome.) -BraveMustang**

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When your brother annoys you, you call him a Polypontian twit and when he STILL annoys you chase him round the house shouting "OUT out out OUT out out OUT" and "BLOOD BLAST AND FIRE! BLOOD BLAST AND FIRE!" **–weatherwitch.X.x.X.**

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-You start planning your Halloween costume for next year as either Thirrin or Bellorum.

-You drag one of your friends (who has never even HEARD of COtI) into the costume planning.

-You start planning this a week before this Halloween. (**Wow I haven't updated in a while *headdesk*) – Sing a Song 119**

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- When and if you have kids, you WILL name them Thirrin, or Oskan, or Cressida...

- If you see an emo / goth, you shout "MEDEA HAS RETURNED!" And start attacking her.

- The pages where Oskan died in your Icemark books are all wet from tears.

- You suddenly have a grudge against 'Buffy the vampire slayer.'

- You consider naming your Cat Primplepuss.

- When you discovered there was a movie, you were silent for 2 days smiling like crazy...

- You shout sayings from the book in real life. (Yes, I do this.)

- Whenever you see an Oak or Holly tree, you decide to run home and fetch a few barrels of Mead to please them... **–AshleyInBrawl**

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-You actually HAVE MEAD for just that purpose.

-You have written enough Icemark fanfictions that stuff like the names no longer comes up for spell check. **(Yes.) **

-While carrying a really large cat, you think to yourself "Hey, this is sort of like Primplepuss."

-When hearing a song that reminded you of Oskan during study hall, you nearly cried. And didn't care that it was study hall and you were supposed to be quiet.

-You wonder what would happen if Dr. McNinja and the Icemark characters met. **(I believe Bellorum's head would explode because VELOCIRAPTORS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE EXTINCT)**

–**Boomerang Fish**

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A/N: I wonder if I should do one of these things for Hunger Games, because I believe I've been exhibiting some symptoms for that.

***********Shameless self-advertising: Wings of the Icemark is back from a ridiculously long hiatus! And it's awesome.**

**As always, leave suggestions. **


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